For today, am a nifty boob

Hi, how are you? Wild endure correct? Meek if nonentity, these banter starters may not make you the most adored soul in the ecosphere, but at least they get folks chatting… right? I mean the climate in Nairobi is splendid, bipolarised, and therefore usually an apposite issue. I wouldn’t surely discern. It’s not that I haven’t vexed, I have, trust me, I have. Not that I don’t want to bond, as I reassure you again, it appears at epochs to be the solitary aim of my exertions. 

Then, what is holding me back? Anxieties? I don’t think so, I don’t get edgy about chattering to publics but I just don’t comprehend persons, perchance shoddier I can’t apprehend my own wits. At times it seems that it’s my vilest nemesis, just picture for a second I were a fighter jet (bear with me) and a good one at that, I am speaking top of the line brand exceptional new-fangled super-clandestine study and my brain was the flyer. 

I have just embarked on my first warfare (I am coming to a socket soon… I ponder) well at first spectacle of a foe, even one which is distant gunned, my brain hits the disgorge brooch. By the time I grasp it was just a weather bloat the aviator has already chucked and is floating delicately to the ground as the now out of control multi-billion-shilling jet tumbles to the earth… Maybe I am being a bit theatrical but that’s how it feels at times.

Precipitously and without caveat my cerebral knacks come to an end in the middle of the dialogue, and I am left hushed and muddled, unable to talk. All the stratagems and preparations in the world can’t save me now, mid-sentence with zilch to say. And that prodigious lexis that took years to hone? Gone. My now ostensibly vague mind offers up a few measly samplings, about four words… archetypally ensuing in such lumbered efforts to connect as. Um, well, like you see… that um like um… bye. 

I know that sometimes it’s safe to ask questions as long as you have a candid curiosity and can do so without recapping yourself or sounding eerie, but honestly I have the discretion of rout of monsters, and that’s being princely. It’s not because I’m not assertive, just ask me, I’m startling. But finding something… anything to say that doesn’t get bizarre gawps often feels like a dreadful task. Now, just for today, I won’t be posing any ripostes, just queries. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes? What do you do to aid keep up the conversation that you have gotten yourself into?