Christopher Julius Rock III is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. After working as a standup comic and appearing in small film roles, Rock came to wider prominence as a cast member of various high grossing films. Rock hosted the 77th Academy Awards in 2005 and the 88th in 2016. He has won four Emmy Awards and three Grammy Awards.
Some of the best quotes from Chris rock are listed below.
- “A bunch of girls say, ‘You don’t need no man to help you raise no child’ … shut the fuck up with the bullshit! Yeah, you could do it without a man, but that don’t mean it’s to be done! Shit, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don’t make it a good fucking idea!” – Chris Rock
- “A man is only as faithful as his options.” – Chris Rock
- “Aw, man, they gave ’em the Oscar on stage. Next they’re gonna give the Oscars in the parking lot. It’ll be like a drive-through Oscar lane. You get an Oscar and a McFlurry and keep on moving.” – Chris Rock
- “Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special.” – Chris Rock
- “Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn’t pay for the electricity, he’d pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.” – Chris Rock
- “Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you’re up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.” – Chris Rock
- “Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.” – Chris Rock
- “George Bush hates midgets.” – Chris Rock
- “Have you been watching American Idol? They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judgin’ the singin. Paula Abdul?! Gettin’ Paula Abdul to judge a singin’ contest is like gettin’ Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest!” – Chris Rock
- “I ain’t shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war’s over, I’ll be the faggot with two legs.” – Chris Rock
- “I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.” – Chris Rock
- “I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.” – Chris Rock
- “I love music. Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.” – Chris Rock
- “I’m a nerd. I’m a little guy…the last guy you’d expect in a romantic movie.” – Chris Rock
- “I’m watching the news … Tupac Shakur was assassinated, Biggie Smalls assassinated, struck down by assassin’s bullets … no, they wasn’t. Martin Luther King was assassinated, Malcolm X was assassinated, John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Them two niggas got shot! Shit, I love Tupac, I love Biggie, but school will be open on their birthday.” – Chris Rock
- “I’ve never seen stunt casting that’s actually funny: ‘Oh, it’s Shaq,’ and then there’s some horrible excuse for him to dunk, … It’s, like, ‘We got a famous guy, and he’s gonna be famous tonight’ — and it sucks!” – Chris Rock
- “If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.” – Chris Rock
- “It’s hard for a man to turn down sex… if they chase us, we can’t run that fast.” – Chris Rock
- “Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies … a man lie is, ‘I was at Kevin’s house!’ A woman lie is like, ‘It’s your baby!’” – Chris Rock
- “Much like rock ‘n’ roll, school shootings were invented by the black man and stolen by the whites.” – Chris Rock
- “Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah’s money, he’d jump out a f*****’ window and slit his throat on the way down saying, ‘I can’t even put gas in my plane!’” – Chris Rock
- “So you gotta look at OJ’s situation. He’s paying $25,000 a month in alimony, got a another man driving around in his car and fucking his wife in a house he’s still paying the mortgage on. Now I’m not saying he should have killed her… but I understand.” – Chris Rock
- “The government hates rap. That’s why they don’t arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don’t fill out a police report. They don’t even have a chalk line when it’s a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.” – Chris Rock
- “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock
- “We got so much food in America we’re allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain’t allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda’s got a fucking lactose intolerance?!” – Chris Rock
- “Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.” – Chris Rock
- “Women would rule the world – if only they’d stop bitchin’ about each other.” – Chris Rock
- “You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.” – Chris Rock
- “You don’t need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. Man, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost $5000. $5000 for a bullet. You know why? ‘Cause if a bullet costs $5000, there’d be no more innocent bystanders. … Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, “Damn, he must have did something. He put $50,000 worth of bullets in his ass!” N****s will say “I would blow your f***** head off–if I could afford it! I’m gonna get me another job, I’m gonna start saving some money, and then you’re dead man! You better hope I can’t get no bullets on layaway!” – Chris Rock
- “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?” – Chris Rock
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